


Watching My Back

by orphan_account



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: 's gonna get GAY, Angst, Fluff, No Smut, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:44:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7020535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{ The tiniest lifeboat<br/>with people I know<br/>The tiniest lifeboat<br/>With people I know }</p><p>Edd did not expect to spend his Saturday in the back of a cramped van beside Matt, and Tom trussed up like a turkey on the floor- but alas, that's where he is, 11 PM, dazed and bleary from being chloroformed, some suspicious-looking soldier-looking characters, armed, in strangely familiar looking blue army jackets and red shirts, guarding the back...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bleary, Bleary

**Author's Note:**

> ((WELLLL THIS IS GONNA BE A PROJECT))

If there was **any** situation Edd could say he would have expected to be in, at 11 PM on Saturday, it most **certainly** not in a van, Tom _trussed up like a turkey_ next to him, sitting in silence as armed soldiers sat on the bench directly across from them in the tiny van, bumping and shuttering on the dirt road as they drove.  
_How did they even get into this mess?_  
A few hours ago, right that morning, 9 AM, Edd had just finished eating breakfast and was setting the bowl he had eaten out of in the dishwasher when there was a knock on his door so hard that it shook said door. His head perked up.  
_“Just a moment!”_ he called, sliding the tray of dishes back into the dishwasher and closing it, then shuffling over to the door. A mere _second_ before he opened it-  
-there was a loud pounding on the door and muffled screaming. A chill ran down Edd’s spine and he slowly opened the door, peeking his head out carefully, looking around.  
“H-hello— _what **th** -?!”_  
Right outside was what looked to be a soldier in a blue army jacket dragging someone’s _body_ down the corridor, a rag in hand. They looked up at him in shock, and Edd stared back, eyes as big as saucers. After a full five seconds, Edd **screamed** , and the unmistakable sound of Matt’s hurried footsteps rang out next door.  
“What’s happening?!” Matt shouted, slamming open his own door, fully dressed and cleaned up- much unlike Edd, who, although was already wearing his green hoodie, was wearing nothing more than his pyjamas.  
“I-I-!” the soldier stammered, then pressed a finger against a little black thing in their ear.  
“Tell Red Leader that they spotted me! I’ll take care of this!” they hissed, apparently into the little black thing, and after but a second Matt was on the _floor_ and there was a flash of blue in front of Edd and then his consciousness was promptly whisked away into dreamland.  
**God** knows how long after that, Edd and Matt blinked awake on the floor of a van, Tom having since joined them, but, unlike Edd and Matt, was **bound** and **gagged** and none-too-happy about the current situation.  
“…Edd…?” Matt asked blearily (blinking forcefully and rapidly for no reason), rubbing his head. “…wh-what _happened_?”  
“I…. I don’t know?” Edd responded, looking around. The tiny room was shaking and bouncing- wait, that’s not a room, it’s the back of a **van**. The walls of the van in question had two benches connected to it, one of them with two armed soldiers, one sitting straight up, looking tired as hell, the other sitting cross-legged, a bent cigarette in his mouth, eyes shut, probably napping.  
“W-where are we?” Edd looked pointedly at the soldier that appeared to actually be awake, who looked over at Edd, expression betraying no emotion. Said soldier sighed a little.  
“ _He’ll_ explain once we get there.”  
Edd raised an eyebrow. “‘ **He** -?’”  
“No more talking.” the soldier said, and that seemed to be that. “…You’re allowed to sit on the other bench.”  
And that was how the three of them ended up in the back of a van, driving to _God knows where._  
It was a long and awkward silence. The back of the van seemed to be entirely _too hot and too cold_ at the same time, and while Matt was fully clothed, both Edd and Tom were only wearing their undershirts, their hoodies, and their pyjama pants- for Edd, black sweatpants, for Tom, blue and black flannel.  
Edd, meanwhile, was **exhausted** , but not sleepy-exhausted, just tired and entirely unable to fall asleep. Matt looked about the same as Edd, eyes tired and face flushed from the heat and cold of the van. Tom seemed to have fared even **worse** , sweating mightily and deep bags under his eyes, hair sticking up in weird places. His face was **overcome** with fury, sitting there like an angry molotov ready to **burst** if he was set free.  
There was the most unnerving feeling of _dread_ hanging in the air as the van shuttered along, and ugly thoughts swam in Edd’s mind. A few hours into the drive, there was a commotion about being ‘spotted’ or something, but Edd was too tired to process it.  
Who brought them here? The soldier had said something about ‘Red Leader,’ which was familiar as all hell, and Edd felt like he should know- he should know! But for the life of him, he couldn’t put his finger on who that would be!  
The van slammed to a stop abruptly, lurching Edd and Matt forward, and the napping soldier was on the floor within seconds, face on the floor. He shouted a swear in Norwegian and the other soldier scoffed.  
“Don’t _laugh_ , Patryk…” the other soldier said in a pained voice, rising to his feet. “You know I was flying all last night.”  
“You crashed another plane, Paul.” ‘Patryk’ said, and ‘Paul’ rolled his eyes.  
“Alright, let’s go.” Patryk said to Edd and Matt, and he stood and pushed open the door to the back of the van, revealing what looked to be an _army compound._ As they shambled out, blinking like meerkats leaving the nest for the first time, Paul grabbed Tom and undid his bindings. As soon as his hands were untied, Tom ripped off his gag and attempted to punch Paul in the face, who simply leaned backwards at the feeble punch missed him by a mile.  
Finally, after a second of wrangling Tom out of the van, the three were walking into a large and intimidating concrete building, Paul and Patryk walking close behind, Paul’s gun pressed against Tom’s back, Tom himself looking frustrated as all hell, seething.  
Edd and Matt exchanged nervous looks and continued walking, both of their hands shoved in their own respective hoodie/jacket pockets.  
After a few minutes of awkward silence in bated breath, looking around as soldiers guarded hallways and doors, some running down the hallways, a few laughing together but immediately stopping as the three turned the hallway with the other two close behind, simply staring in _curiosity, or awe, or empathy, or surprise._  
Finally, after what seemed like forever, they were led to a pair of dark wood double-doors, and Patryk walked over to open the doors.  
When the doors were opened, the three were led inside, and sitting at the end of the room, two feet resting cross-legged on top of a shiny mahogany desk, was someone all three of them never thought they’d see again. Half of his face was **mangled** beyond recognition, and gone was the familiar red hoodie in favour of an _army uniform,_ but there was **no** mistaking it- that devilish-yet-lazy expression, that cigar sitting lopsided in the corner of his mouth, that light brown hair that always seemed to stick up into a _horn-like_ hairstyle- _no doubt about it._  
_**Tord.**_

 

Tord took the cigar out of his mouth and lazily flicked ash off of it, a smirk on his half-maimed features. Internally, he was _cursing, screaming, and kicking himself._ He was trying to **protect** his friends, not **kidnap** them! By all accounts he had **failed** (or rather that **soldier** had, though _who could blame them?_ -it was _bound_ to happen, but that didn’t mean Tord would put it off for _as long as possible)_ and Tord was none-too-happy about it, though that didn’t stop him from giving the three a lazy grin, looking from Matt _(afraid, more out of fear of his own face and shock at Tord’s face),_ to Edd _(shocked, more than anything else, and concerned for Tord’s face, most likely)_ to Tom _(who was shocked and seething, anger all over his face)._  
He let out a _‘pft’_ and grinned, baring teeth, closing his eyes, leaning backwards, and then lifting his feet off of the desk, and standing to his feet. He crushed the butt of the cigar in an ashtray sitting on his table and set his hands on the table, one red and metal. the other calloused and rough from years of work. He saw Edd’s gaze travel towards his hand, and saw him **wince** when he saw the cybernetic.  
He took a deep breath and gave them a wave, smiling lazily-yet-amiably.  
_“Hello, **old friends,”**_ he greeted.

 

 _This was…_  
**How?**  
**_How?!_**   Edd could feel nothing but shock and a burning pit in his stomach, and something else- ah, yes, **dread**. This was dread.  
“Wh…” Matt started. _“T-Todd?!”_  
_“Tord.”_ the Norwegian corrected, walking around the desk and facing the three.  
“Did **you** bring us here?!” Tom half-yelled, seething. _“Why?!”_  
_“Calm down, calm down,”_ Tord said, holding his hands up. “I didn’t bring you here to _hurt you,_ or hold you _hostage_ , or anything like that.”  
“W-well then, _why?!”_ Matt interjected, shaking a fist at Tord. Then, feeling slightly ridiculous and somewhat afraid, he coughed and lowered his arm.  
“I’ll- I’ll explain it all in a second, but are you all _okay_?”  
“Oh, yeah, I’m **fine**!” Tom shouted sarcastically. “I sure **love** being _tied up and gagged and thrown in a random car, then a plane, then a van for, what, **ten hours?!”**_  
“ _Fourteen_ , actually,” Tord smirked, “and I’m **sorry** that that had to be done, but according to Patryk here you fought back mightily."  
_“Shut the hell up, commie bastard, and tell us why you ripped us from our homes and- and brought us here!”_  
“To **protect** you, why else?” Tord said, leaning backwards onto the desk. “I’ve been doing it for **months**. ’s just that you found out just **today**.”  
There was an awkward silence.  
“I- wh- _protecting_ us from **what** , exactly?!” Matt asked, weirdly loudly.  
“Well-“ Tord started, before clearing his throat. “-you’ve _seen_ this place, right? I’m an _army leader,_ and there’s **obviously** some people who… don’t **like** that.”  
“What does this have to do with _**US**_?” Tom hissed.  
“Those people who don’t… **like** what I’m doing… well, they try to get at me in _whatever way possible._ That _includes_ trying to get at **you**.”  
As Tord explained, Edd’s mind travelled towards memories- of seeing someone shady walk _dangerously_ close to Edd before apparently seeing something and running the heck away, memories of finding random kitchen knives out of the knife block and just strewn around the kitchen table.  
He’d always cast those off as _weird_ , but unimportant, occurrences.  
“So, because of you, people wanna kill **US.** ” Tom said finally, crossing his arms and scowling.  
_“Y-yeah, but-!”_  
_“Shut up, **commie** ,_ you’re the whole reason people are even trying to kill us, **right?!”**  
“Well, what do you want me to do? Let you guys get **killed?** _No thanks!”_  
Tom, unable to think of a snappy comeback, grumbled and looked down.  
“W-well, what are you gonna _do with us?”_ Matt finally managed to interject.  
“ **Hypothetically** , I would have sent you all home after explaining to you all what happened, remotely but **apparently** a quarter way getting you to a place where I could contact you remotely, **apparently** my soldiers were spotted carrying you guys, and **apparently** I can’t send you home. They know I have you, so I can’t send you home.” He sighed and took a new cigar out of his pocket, turning it over in his hand before producing a lighter out of his jacket pocket and lighting it. He took a drag and looked up at the three. “I’m _begging_ you, _forgive me,_ but I just have to keep you here ‘else you’ll get **killed**.”  
Matt, Tom, and Edd simply stood slack-jawed at his words.  
“You.. you mean we _can’t go home?”_ Edd said finally.  
“Screw that- I’m leaving!” Tom sneered, turning and immediately stopping because oh look Patryk was pointing a gun at him. “Come on, lemme go home!”  
“Even if you left this compound, it would take a while to get home.” Tord scoffed, taking another drag from his cigar. “We’re currently smack dab in the middle of Norway.”  
“N-N… **_Norway?!”_** Tom shouted, turning to look at Tord in disbelief. _“But… but…”_  
“Yes. Norway. _In Europe.”_ Tord affirmed, giving Tom a melancholic smirk.  
Tom was completely at a loss for words. Same with Matt and Edd.  
“I’m sorry, old friends. I’m… _truly sorry.”_ Tord’s smirk dissolved and he looked at the three with a pleading expression. “Please, _forgive me._ This is just to keep you **safe**.”  
Edd folded his arms. _“Didn’t you say we weren’t friends?”_ he said bitterly, looking away.  
Tord _winced_ and Edd _immediately_ regretted saying anything.  
“I’m **sorry** , Edd.” he said, looking at the floor. “I don’t… I don’t know **why** I said that.”  
Edd said nothing, looking crestfallen. He was just starting to get settled in that apartment and already he had been plucked from his **new** home just as he’d been plucked from his **old** one.  
“Listen, this was all last minute, so, um, you guys are going to be sleeping in some empty storage rooms while I get some rooms ready for you. There’s beds in there. I j.. I just wanted to tell you what was going on. And apologize.” Paul and Patryk stepped forward. “Go with Paul and Patryk. And Edd?”  
Edd turned to face Tord, and Tord’s expression made Edd want to cry.  
_“I’m sorry, Edd.”_


	2. Smeg Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {Your love was clarity, I swear  
> I'm all alone in a daydream  
> and there was magic in the air  
> It's tearing me up inside}
> 
> Edd reminisces, Tord tries to become friends with everyone again, and angst approaches scarily quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((welcome to ANGST TOWN))

It was so dark in that room, it may as well have been a cell. It wasn’t _dirty, dingy, or anything_ of that nature- in fact, it was quite **clean** , save for being a bit **dusty** , but it was on short notice and the best Tord could do. So the three were sharing a tiny storage room, given that the barracks were completely full (evidently they were ‘ _renovating_ ’) sleeping on futons on the floor. Admittedly, Patryk told them that Tord wanted better conditions for them, but there wasn’t enough time to bring up something special. Saturdays were busy times for the man, evidently.  
Matt and Tom were both fast asleep, and Edd was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling.  
About two hours ago, when they’d first been ushered into this room, they had discussed what had just happened at great length, going over experiences that could’ve been possibly been Tord protecting them, or why they should or should not trust him, or escape plans (though that last part was entirely Tom) before Matt had, cross-legged, hit his face on the floor from lack of sleep and near-fainting, and that’s when they had all decided to tuck in for the night.  
Unfortunately, Edd couldn’t sleep. He was too busy thinking.  
Tord _cared_. He actually _cared_ about their well-being. _All_ of them, even _Tom_ , even despite the words he had spat out in that robot months ago with a manic grin.  
_‘What would I need friends for when I’ve got this?!’_  
He didn’t mean it. _He didn’t mean it!_ Those were the words, post-robot, that Edd had told himself many a sleepless and weepy night, trying to convince himself of their honesty, and lo and behold, they _rang true!_ Why else would Tord have protected the trio so much, and why else would he… take them from their homes…  
He just wanted to keep them safe, right?  
_He **had** to, right?_  
Maybe Edd was all too trusting, but who **cares** at this point- there were too many conflicting emotions swirling around in that little brunette head of his.  
It was true, for all three of them, even Edd, they all just wanted to go _home_. They wanted to walk into their apartments and see their own stuff, their own belongings, and feel like everything was _normal_ again, as if Tord’s sudden appearance and abrupt and near-immediate departure hadn’t shifted the mood between the trio _drastically_ \- it was nigh irreparable. They couldn’t get their home back. Things would never, never, **never** be normal again, and that was all Tord’s fault.  
For the first couple of weeks, many a night was spent crying, hugging his knees, as he wondered- was it _him_? Until the wee hours of the morning Edd would stand outside the window, expression blank as he watched the sunrise.  
It was always calming to him, watching dawn’s buttery light spread across the open sky and the golden sun rise over the horizon.  
He had started getting up early because of that, even after he had managed to start sleeping properly.  
Thing was, he never spent those mornings doing anything of note- he just walked around the flat with a blank look in his eyes and just sitting on the floor for the first couple of times- seemingly thinking about nothing, just static. He was so tired, he didn’t _understand_. Tord betraying them had always hurt Edd more than he **dared** to let on in front of his friends- this was just like when he had first left, eight years ago.  
When Tord had left for _‘the big city’_ so long ago, Tom couldn’t find his flask.  
Tord had left so abruptly without so much as an apology that it had been all too much for Edd- he spent the next two days cooped up in his room, drawing, or crying, or watching terrible AMVs on Youtube, or just sitting on the floor, staring on the ceiling, a long-empty flask in his hand, tears in his eyes and face flushed.  
When he had finally managed to stop being a hermit, living off of bags of crisps and cola he had stashed in his room, Tom and Matt would not leave Edd alone, for the next two or three days they constantly checked up on his well-being to the point that it got annoying.  
_Are you alright?_  
 _You doin’ okay?_  
 _Do you need anything?_  
Despite the fact that he had left his room, he had fallen into a small depression and refused to leave the house. Maybe he was overreacting.  
But two weeks, just _two weeks_ before Tord had left, in the living room, under the light of nothing but the TV, curtains drawn, late, late, _late_ at night, Tord and Edd had been playing video games, like normal, laughing over cheetos and cola, when Tord had abruptly kissed him- _kissed **him**!_ quickly, a quick peck on the lips- and continued playing _tap-tap-tapping_ on the controller like nothing had even happened. The rest of the night was spent in somewhat-silence, they still kept laughing like normal, but Edd had kept casting nervous, almost **expectant** glances over at the Norwegian. Was he going to do it again? Edd, in his heart of hearts, **wanted** him to do it again, but he never did, and when Edd finally fell asleep on the couch, once Tord had put away the leftover cheetos and tossed the cola cans in the recycling, picked up a half-asleep Edd and carried him bridal-style to his room. Edd opened his eyes, still bleary and almost-asleep, had given a sleepy grin and nuzzled into Tord’s chest like a _bear cub_ \- a big, bumbling bear cub who wanted some love like I want kudos.  
He had cast a glance up at Tord’s face, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, and a twinge of confusion hit when he saw Tord’s expression- _sad, regretful, apologetic_ \- but he was too tired to care and too drunk on the warm honey-like fuzzy feeling half-asleep infatuation wrought, bubbly giggles threatening to rise up, but he shoved those down- he wouldn't **dare** let Tord know he was somewhat awake.  
The next two weeks were spent in _awkward avoidances._ Tord flat-out **avoided** Edd, not looking him in the eye, not talking to him, as much as Edd tried. Finally, finally, after a week and four days, just two days before he left, Edd managed to corner Tord and ask him what was going on.  
He had responded by saying “ _nothing_ ,” to which Edd got angry and started yelling, yelling about how he didn’t _understand_ , how everything _changed_ , until he finally trailed off asking a question: “…Is it **me**? Is it my fault?” he had asked tearfully, and Tord’s eyes had widened, his expression quickly dissolving from nervous avoidance to _concern_.  
Then Tord ran away.  
He had ducked under Edd’s arm and ran away, covering his mouth with his hands and all-too-recognizable tears in his eyes. Edd had caught a look at his face as he ran, and his eyes, so pale blue that they were a watery grey, had so much emotion betrayed in those irises that Edd just wanted to cry. He looked so apologetic, so **sorry** , like he wanted, wanted so **desperately** to say something, **anything** at all, but he knew in his heart that he couldn’t.  
He just _couldn’t_.  
For the next two days before he left, Tord spent his days cooped up in his room, leaving only to grab some food one time, and just living of off that for the next 48 hours. He made no noise the entire time, in fact, if Edd wasn’t thinking about him, and that night two weeks ago, he would have forgotten he was even _home_. _Of course_ Edd never forgot, about 40 times during those 48 hours he knocked on Tord’s door and asked if he was doing okay.  
He **never** responded.  
And then he _left_ , so suddenly, simply with a _“goodbye, old friends”_ and then, gone, like a distant memory, leaving Edd to get crying-drunk in his room, blinds over the window and the light off, wondering if it was him. _Was it his fault?_  
He was heartbroken and nothing had even _happened_ besides _a little peck on the lips._  
The poor kid had been heartbroken before, but not without even being given a **chance**. The whole ordeal had left him staying up late at night wondering if he had read the situation wrong. Even if he _had_ , Tord was still one of his best friends, and he had a _right to know_ why Tord was avoiding him. He never usually bothered people about their business unless it was his business as well, and at that moment it was more his business than ever.  
_Was it him? Was it him? Was it him?_  
Those three stupid words swirled around in his head for so goddamn long, it was _infuriating_. He was so angry and confused and conflicted and crushing on that stupid Norwegian that was refusing to even _talk to him!_  
And it never **faded** , either. Though he may have forgotten about it, he often found himself staring down a picture of Tord in the house, one, two, three, **eight** years later. Two years after Tord had left he had just straight-up stashed a picture of him and Tord smiling together in a photo, Tord holding a cigar, Edd holding a cola can, and a pantsless Tom in the background on the floor facedown covered in empty beer cans.  
That picture always used to make Edd crack up whenever he thought of that night, Matt was taking the picture and was laughing at Tom, who was drop-dead-drunk from a dare, and the four had just spent the whole night laughing and drinking, telling dumb stories that the others had forgotten but one or two remembered, playing Never Have I Ever with jello shots, until they had all had gone to bed (Matt having to drag Tom back to his room, _literally)_ and Edd, heavily intoxicated and curling up in his bed, safe and warm under the sheets, had hoped that this would never change, that they would be able to stay like this, as friends, laughing together, forever.  
It would, of course, all change. And that photograph of Tord and Edd laughing and holding onto each other, wishing that that moment would never end, drunk and happy, now made Edd want to go back. He wanted to go back so **badly** , but of course he knew he _couldn’t_. Nothing would _ever_ be the same again, ever since that moment two weeks before Tord left, ever since Tord left, ever since Tord destroyed their house, ever since Tord kidnapped them.  
And sitting in the darkness, listening to his friends breathe, Edd wanted to just shrivel up there and never move again. He almost wanted to strangle Tord and kiss him at the same time.  
Edd groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. There were so many conflicting emotions swirling around in that head of his, it was giving him a headache.

The door was locked, that was mainly for Tom than anyone else, though Tord didn’t doubt that the others would have tried to make a break for it if they had the chance- save for Edd, on the off-chance that he couldn’t bring both Matt and Tom with him.  
Tord absentmindedly rubbed at the burns on the right side of his face, feeling the bumps and scarred skin with a neutral expression. Inside, though, was far different than how he looked- it was static and yelling and just a **mess**. This wasn’t anything _different_ , this sort of thing had always seemed to pop up late at night or during times when he was left alone, sometimes to the point of _disassociating_. But this time was _different_ \- there was a reason for the churning and screaming and static all jumbled together like letters strung together that didn’t seem to make words. There was a reason for the static- and it was the three people locked away in a storage room, probably sleeping, but Tord wasn’t- why would he be sleeping? He never usually slept long during the night, maybe an hour or two, with plenty of catnaps throughout the day, but this was different. He was kept up thinking.  
_What now?_  
Already, he had sent soldiers to head to the flats Matt, Tom, and Edd had now formerly lived in to collect their stuff. He hoped Edd’s cat would be alright.  
He took a drag from his cigar and looked outside the giant window in his office. It was bullet-proof, of course, it wasn’t as if the Red Leader would leave himself _vulnerable_.  
It was a more or less clear night, some rainclouds threatening to creep up over the horizon, but the stars still twinkled brightly in the sky in defiance of the rain that had not yet come. _We defy you, rain! We still shine our light from billions of lightyears away in spite of you and your cloudy involvements!_  
Tord chuckled at the thought and breathed out a puff of smoke, watching the fat rainclouds bumble closer and closer on the horizon. A tiny flash of light appeared, briefly, in the sky, and Tord realized it was going to be a storm. A bad one.  
He bit the inside of his cheek and took another drag as the clouds got closer.  
He wasn’t going to make them join his army. If anything, he’d try his best to dissuade them- he didn’t want any of them to get hurt. He _loved_ them, Edd, Matt, even Tom, with all of his jaded heart, so much. Platonically, of course.  
_Well…_  
The image of Edd smiling at him, young and dumb and 17, flashed in his mind, before being replaced by Edd smiling, still young and dumb but 25.  
He winced, a faint pink dusting his cheeks (cheek? the right side of his face was _mangled_ , so…). It had been over eight years, and he was still kicking himself. _Why had he acted so **stupid**?!_ He knew that it was a now-or-never experience when he had decided to leave to focus entirely on starting the Red Army, he knew he only had a _small_ window of time to tell Edd how he felt, that he might never get a chance to tell him, ever again, but when he finally managed to act it was followed by Tord not wanting to own up to his actions or even tell Edd why he was refusing to speak to him until the very last moment when he left without even explaining why.  
_Why why why why why why?_  
 _He was so **stupid**!_  
Tord clacked his teeth together bitterly and inhaled, his chest aching from the regret and hopefulness and _guilt_ of it all.  
The clock on his desk read 1:36 AM. He rubbed his face with his left hand, yawning, flicking ash onto the floor from his cigar absentmindedly.  
The clouds were overhead already, and a drop of rain hit the window, then another, then another, and so on until it was a fully-fledged _storm_ , thunder rumbling and lightning flashing in the distance like a lion protecting its young.  
Tord pulled his swivel chair over, sat on it, sinking into the faux-leather cushions and sighing. He let the cigar sit lopsided in the left side of his mouth as he watched the rain hit the glass like icicles. Thunder boomed, and Tord felt his eyelids grow heavy.   
Rain and thunderstorms were always nice to fall asleep to.  
He sighed a little, letting sleep take him.

 

The next morning, Tord actually felt somewhat **rested** , which was a first. It wasn’t a **bad** one, by any means, in fact it was _entirely_ welcome, but it was odd not wanting to keel over and die 100% first thing in the morning. He only wanted to keel over and die **50** %. Which was also a first. But again, _not_ an unwelcome one.  
He stood up, pushing the chair back into his desk, and he drummed his finger on the aforementioned desk, listening to the metal drum against wood as he smacked his lips together, mulling over what he should do. The rain was still going strong as ever, thunder booming like a drum. Tord just wanted to sink back into the chair and fall asleep again, but it was already 7 in the morning, so he had to decide what he was going to do at that moment and get going already before he lost any more time.  
And, thanks to the green-clad artist he currently had locked up with his other two (hopefully not former) best friends, he was constantly reminding himself that time was of the **utmost** essence.  
He _wasn’t_ going to wait until it was too late again.

  
It had been four days since that night. Tord had been taking care of them as if they were his children, checking up on them and feeding them constantly like a worried grandma, to the point that it had gotten annoying. And the _apologizing_! God, the apologizing! Every time Tord saw any of them he’d apologize for something or other- “ **sorry** your rooms aren't ready yet” “ **sorry** I have to lock you in that room, but Tom” “ **sorry** for hurting you guys” “ **sorry** for everything” but never once did Tord ever address Edd on the matter of him leaving way back when! Not once did he say “ **sorry** for leaving you alone” or “sorry for not even giving you a chance” or “sorry for kissing you, then ignoring you for two weeks and leaving without any prior notice whatsoever, leaving you to steal your friend’s alcohol and get drunk and hole up in your room wondering whether you were just not _good enough.”_  
It was only now that they finally got their own rooms, at long last. They had all gasped when they walked into their respective rooms and saw boxes full of their own stuff- not to mention Edd’s reaction to seeing Ringo again, quickly picking up the grey tabby and snuggling him in his arms like it was his child. He turned to thank Tord before seeing his expression- god, he had _obviously_ been staring at him fondly, before Tord looked away, biting the inside of his cheek, then turning back to Edd with a smile, all within the frame of a few seconds.  
But _don’t_ think Edd didn’t notice.  
He smiled back, and Tord had blushed and looked away.  
**Gay.**  
  
Later, Tord had gathered them all in his office, then let them into his room from a different door off to the side- his bedroom, which was nothing that special, but it was still reminiscent of a leader’s. Obviously.  
He tried talking to them, just about random stuff, until they had all ended up sitting on the floor, just talking. At first it was just a somewhat-one sided conversation, just Tord asking them questions and the others responding with curt, somewhat restrained answers, until there was an extremely awkward 20-second silence.  
Then Matt snorted.  
They all started giggling like children, even _Tom_ , before Edd burst into a fit of laughter, and they all started howling in laughter for no particular reason other than at themselves, and the stupidity of _everything._   
It was almost like everything was normal again, and they were friends, drinking and laughing and going on stupid adventures once more. Outside, soldiers pressed their ears against the wall, trying to hear the laughter of **Red Leader** \- someone who **never** usually laughed with _mirth_ and such _amity_ before. The four didn’t care about _anything_ right then- they just wanted to be like that, friends again, for the first time in an eternity.

  
One day later, Tord invited Edd into his room, just to talk with him, like friends.  
“So, how are you doing, Edd?” Tord asked, sitting on the edge of his desk.  
“I’m…. alright.” Edd said, wrapping his arms around himself nervously. “Just… it’s _weird_ being in your compound all the time, not really being able to go _outside_ or anything.”  
Tord’s expression softened. “I’m sorry, but I’m just-“  
“-trying to _protect_ us, I know,” Edd finished for him, sighing. “I know, and I’m not _complaining_ \- really, _thank you_ \- but it’s just **weird**. You did sort of trap us all here.”  
“I know. I’m sorry.” Tord sighed right back, biting the inside of his cheek, expression melancholy. “Can I make it up to you, somehow?”  
_Yes. Tell me why you left me._  
 _Tell me why you loved me and left me._  
 _Kiss me **again**._  
Edd sighed. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”  
“Anything that comes to mind, anything- I’ll do it. Just if you’ll _forgive_ me.”

“What do you want to watch?” Tord asked, the four lying on Tord’s bed, staring at the TV sitting across from them, lazily staring at the light blaring from said TV.  
“Is that the _Bee Movie?_ The hell?”  
“We’re **not**. We’re absolutely **not** , Tom.”  
“I didn’t even say I wanted to watch it! I don’t!”  
“Ooo, look, they have _Madoka Magi-“_  
**_“No.”_** everyone else said in unison.  
_“…fine.”_  
“Even after all these years, you’re still a hentai-drawing _weeaboo_ , Tord.” Tom laughed, before drinking down some more alcohol.  
“I sure _love_ being generalized to one specific trait.” Tord deadpanned, and they all burst out laughing.

_Tord apologizing. Tord trying to make up for it._  
 _But also, Tord never once addressing that little event eight years ago. Edd, being too nervous around him to bring it up._  
 _Tom fighting. Tom begrudgingly accepting. Tom, occasionally acting like he and Tord were friends again, but only when intoxicated enough to be giggly- which, if he was in the right mood, wasn’t hard._  
 _Can you tell that I’ve never gotten drunk before?_  
 _Matt nervously accepting. Matt soon getting comfortable. Matt being like a little brother to Tord within the span of a few days._  
 _Edd nervously accepting as well. Edd waiting. Edd waiting until he starts getting stressed._  
Did he **forget**? Did he just not **care**? Did… did he **hate** him?  
No, Edd didn’t do anything to make Tord **hate** him.  
_…right?_  
After that, the mood became somewhat more relaxed, Tord stopped locking Tom in his room at night, Tord started visiting them all individually- except for _Edd_. Tord would always bring Tom, Matt, or both along when they were hanging out and drinking and laughing, and while Edd couldn’t complain, he always noticed how Tord was avoiding a one-on-one. And it was infuriating as… as…  
Well, Edd couldn’t really think of a good analogy, but holy **hell** was is frustrating to hear Tord laughing alone with Matt or Tom, while Edd was left with the short end of the straw and had to angrily guzzle Coca-Cola in his room, entirely on his lonesome. _Angry bab._  
But the worst part about it all were the **nightmares** \- they’d come back to rear their ugly head. Edd had thought it was over, they had first started after Tord left, and then after Tord returned and destroyed their house. Many a time Edd had woken up with a start, breathing heavily and sweating buckets.  
Blood was always involved somehow. **Tord** was always involved somehow.  
One time, it had gotten so bad that Edd had _thrown up._  
But it was only four days after when the stress really started to affect him.  
Edd awoke with a start, sitting up straight in his bed with a hand grabbing the fabric of his shirt _(‘SMEG HEAD’_ ) roughly, trying to steady himself.  
He had had a nightmare, nothing _substantial_ at first, just him running through a forest, running from some otherworldly monster, just your stereotypical nightmare, when he had blinked and suddenly he was standing in front of Tord, in his office. Tord was standing in front of him, a smirk on his face, **blood** dripping down the right side of his features, and Tord leaned in close to Edd as if making to kiss him, before he moved past Edd’s lips and towards his ear, soft lips brushing against his left cheek nigh-imperceptibly, and Edd had almost _screamed_ in longing, just wanting him to say _something_ , **anything** at all, just give him _something_ -! don’t leave him wondering why he just **left** like that- at that moment until Tord whispered in his ear:  
_“I never loved you.”_  
Then he had fallen apart into a pile of blood and guts all over Edd, blood drenching the brunette and gore falling on the floor with a disgusting _squelch_. Edd tried to scream, but no sound came out.  
Then he had woken up, gasping for air like it was going out of style.  
He started crying the second he realized he wasn’t dreaming anymore, hugging his knees close and whimpering as fat bubble-tears fell from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, wiping at his eyes ever so often with his wrist.  
_That was terrifying._  
Edd felt like he was going to die, his mind all jumbly and messy and wrong, just wrong wrong wrong. So he sat there and cried, as lost and alone as any young heartbroken person in the world.


	3. I Do Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> { I fell in love with a ghost,  
> out under the moonlight  
> You took my hand and held me close,  
> for once I was alright. }
> 
> He wanted to tell Tord, so badly.  
> It hurt, a lot.  
> God, he wanted to tell the Norwegian, but how would he know how Tord would react?
> 
> He wanted to tell Edd, so badly.  
> It hurt, a lot.  
> God, he wanted to tell the Brit, but how would he know how Edd would react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( After a month of staring at my computer and procrastinating, I finally finished this chapter! A bit shorter than I would have liked, but, eh.))

“Wow. You look like garbage.”  
Edd hugged his pillow tighter and sighed. “I didn’t get any sleep last night.”  
It had been a week since that last nightmare, and he had been frequently been bothered by night terrors so often that he barely slept- he hardly even ate, and it showed, heavy bags under his eyes and a tired demeanour from malnourishment.  
“You look like you haven’t slept in forty years. Like reverse Rip van Winkle.” Tom added, a bagel in one hand and a flask in the other.  
“Says the guy drinking vodka for breakfast,” Edd retorted, and Tom raised an eyebrow.  
“That didn’t even make sense as a comeback.”  
“I don’t even care at this point.”  
Edd sighed, chest aching from fatigue, and Matt looked at the other two nervously.  
“You both look terrible,” Matt said, and it was true- Tom himself looked like he hadn’t slept in ages, hair mussed and face droopy, unshaven and disheveled.  
“Yeah, well, I just spent the entirety of last night getting hammered with Tord, so…” He just shrugged.  
“And you’re still drinking. How do you not have a hangover?” Edd scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion.  
“Oh, believe me, I do. I’m just too drunk right now to care or react.” Cue Tom taking another swig out of his flask. The other two looked at him with somewhat-concern before turning their attention back to the conversation at hand.  
“Tord has been avoiding me,” Edd said, shoving his face into the pillow he was hugging.  
“What? No, he hasn’t. Just two days ago, we were all watching TV, right? You were there, beside Tord!” Matt said incredulously. “He had his arm around you, for pete’s sake!”  
That was true. Edd, half-asleep, had unconsciously snuggled up next to Tord, the two of them sprawled out on Tord’s bed, Matt and Tom lying on the floor, the TV illuminating the room, and a movie blaring. Tord had responded by putting his arm around the other, sort of hugging him closer, almost absentmindedly.  
It was nice.  
But then it ended and they all walked back to their rooms, Edd begrudgingly leaving Tord, Tord himself staring after him almost longingly.  
“You know what I mean. He’s always talked to you guys and hung out with you guys one-on-one more than once. But never with me, except for that one time, and that time lasted all of two minutes.”  
Matt fell silent, before nodding. “Yeah, that is weird.”  
“Didn’t you guys have a fight before Tord left?” Tom asked after gulping down some more alcohol. “What was that even about?”  
“It’s the same situation as now,” Edd mumbled through the pillow. “I just did something stupid and he’s avoiding me for it, even eight years later. He probably hates me.”  
Matt and Tom exchanged a look.  
“Uh, Edd,” Tom started, “…I don’t think he hates you.”  
“Wh..” Edd looked up at Tom. “What do you mean by that?”  
“Edd, you saw how he looked at you when we all went back to our rooms, two days ago, right?” Tom asked, and Edd tilted his head.  
“No, not really…”  
“Edd, he was staring at you, like… nevermind. Just… go talk to him, alright?”  
And as he sat there in his room, his two best friends chatting about past experiences, past adventures, the like, Edd made a single, solitary decision.

The very next day, at 7 o’clock sharp, Edd had been the one to visit Tord, on his own time. He was allowed to go wherever he wanted, provided it was in the compound, after all. The two were currently sitting on the floor of his room, laughing over some story Tord was telling.  
“-So, then, I took the BFG- it wasn’t loaded, of course- and I shouted, ‘See you on Petunia Road!’ You should have seen the look on his face!” Tord and Edd burst into laughter, Edd tightly gripping the can of cola in his hand so it wouldn’t fall out.  
“W-why did you even have forty microphones?!” Edd cried through his laughter, wiping at the tears in his eyes and giggling.  
“I don’t even remember!” Tord laughed, and soon the howling faded into tired giggles and sighs. “Ah, that was a good time. Wish you could’ve seen it- it was hilarious.”  
“It was funny enough when you told it to me,” Edd smiled at Tord, and oh look, the man was blushing a little and looking away. He bit his lip and looked over at the brunette.  
“It’s… nice spending time with you, just one on one. I’m sorry I haven’t done it much before. I’m sorry I haven’t really been… talking to you much.”  
Edd bit the inside of his cheek nervously and nodded. “You… you really haven’t been.”  
“I know. I’m just…” Tord looked at the ground, sighing. “I d- I don’t know how to face my problems. I’m sorry.”  
“Tord, I…” Edd bit his lip. “…do you remember what happened, back then?”  
“…yeah.” Tord gave a little sigh, chest shuddery. “I’m so, so, so sorry, Edd, I shouldn’t have…”  
The mood had drastically changed, eh?  
Edd poked at a loose thread on the carpet the two were sitting on.  
“I… was it me?”  
“What?”  
“You heard me,” Edd looked up at the Norwegian. “Was it me? Was I the reason that you… was it something I did?”  
“Wh- I- no, no no! It was all me!” Tord waved his hands back and forth, looking frantic. “It was all me- none of it was your faul-“  
Oh. Edd was crying.  
“I- I j- I just… I don’t…” Edd trailed off- tears rolling down his chubby cheeks and onto the front of his hoodie and his pants, grabbing the carpet and holding the rough fabric in his fists as if trying to keep himself grounded.  
“… Edd…”  
“Did… did you kiss me back then because you wanted… to taunt me or something…?”  
“No! No no no! I never wanted to taunt you- I don’t want to hurt you-!”  
Tord leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Edd, and Edd immediately fell into his arms, clutching at Tord’s jacket (the fabric on his chest, to be precise) and just cried, cried so hard and long. He looked so lost, so incredibly lost and confused, that it tugged at Tord’s heartstrings something awful.  
Tord started stroking Edd’s back in what he hoped was a comforting gesture, sighing into Edd’s hair.  
“D… do you hate me?”  
“No! No, no no no no! I- I don’t hate you…” Quite the opposite, really.  
“… the opposite…?” There was a feeling of hope scattered in between all that confusion and sadness.  
“Edd, I…” Tord sucked in a breath through his teeth.  
Don’t mess this up, like you always do.  
“I… I love you.”  
Edd looked up at him with a slack-jawed expression, and immediately Tord felt like he had made a horrible mistake.  
Edd started crying. In relief.  
Of course, Tord didn’t realize this, and he felt like he had made the situation worse, so he simply stared down at Edd.  
“I- I’m sorry!”  
“No, no, don’t be! Don’t be! It’s all me… ‘m just…” Edd sighed and snuggled into Tord’s jacket, being engulfed by the fabric. He felt so safe there, in his arms, Tord so strong and capable, much unlike Edd himself. (Let’s ignore the part of Moving Targets when Edd picked up a tank, alrighty?)  
“…I love you too.”  
Tord felt an immediate release, a stress 8 years in the making, and it all came loose. It was like pressing your hands against a doorframe and then letting go, and then your hands would feel like they were floating- okay, well, Tord was just going off on a tangent at this point, but it felt so relieving to hear Edd say those four little words, albeit muffled through his jacket.  
“Y… you do?”  
“When you kissed me, it… it changed something in me, Tord. I mean, I liked you before, as a friend, but… then you went and kissed me and then I kept getting these weird feelings for you. It was stressing, and I kept crying because I didn’t know what was going on, and— oh.”  
Tord was tearing up.  
He was such an asshole. Why had he gone and done that to Edd? Why?  
He was such a bad person that had gone and hurt the love of his life, so badly.  
“I’m… I’m sorry.” He wiped at the tears gathering in his eyes and gulped down the lump in his throat. “You deserve better.”  
God knows you do.  
But I do love you, with all of my heart.  
“I don’t care, Tord. I love you,” Edd mumbled into Tord’s chest, and Tord felt like crying with relief. He loved him! He loved him!  
Tord leaned back and mumbled a curse in Norwegian, biting the inside of his cheek before hugging Edd in a bear hug, arms wrapped around the other and his head buried in Edd’s hair.  
His hair was nice and soft, Tord noticed.  
“I love you,” Tord mumbled into Edd’s hair. “I love you, so, so much, and I feel like such an awful person because— because I tried telling you, but I was too much of a wimp to do it.”  
“…to be honest… before you kissed me, I didn’t really feel any attraction to you, but… but you kissing me, back then… that changed that. Not in a bad way, of course.”  
“I’m sorry that I hurt you, Edd,” Tord mumbled, and Edd sighed and nuzzled into Tord’s chest.  
“It- it’s okay, Tord. That doesn’t matter now.”  
It felt so good, to hold Edd like that.  
It felt so good, to be in Tord’s arms.  
It felt so damn good.  
“…would it be okay… if I kissed you again…?” Tord asked, and Edd looked up at Tord and smiled wide, looking relieved as all helll.  
“Yes.”  
And thusly, Tord placed his (organic) hand on Edd’s cheek, gently lifting his head upwards so that Edd’s green irises were trained solely on Tord.  
Tord did not want to simply peck him quickly on the lips this time. Edd deserved far better than that.  
Tord leaned forward, ever so gently, noting the gentleness in Edd’s eyes, and their lips were so close, so close. Tord saw Edd bite his lip the slightest bit in anticipation.  
Tord closed the space between them, gently, carefully, their lips meeting, and Tord noted how soft Edd’s lips were- much unlike his own, which were completely scarred on one side.  
Edd himself didn’t care, he was too enamoured in the kiss, as Tord’s hands snaked upwards to grab the back of Edd’s head with both hands, pulling him closer, locks of brown hair spilling out between Tord’s fingers. The kiss soon turned to tongue, love radiating from the both of them as they hugged close.  
Tord slowly drew his left hand downwards until it was resting on Edd’s side, which didn’t really bother him too much- but when his hand snaked down under Edd’s waistband warning bells started going off.  
“Sto- wait! Wait, jus- just…” Edd pulled away, and Tord quickly retracted his hand, looking worried.  
“I- I’m sorry, Edd, was… was I going too fast…?”  
“No, no, it’s not that, but…” Edd sucked in air through his teeth and lo.oked away. “I… don’t feel attracted to you in that way. Sexually, I mean.”  
Tord was silent for a moment before his eyebrows knit in confusion.  
“It- it’s not your fault! I just… I’ve never really felt that kind of… want, you know? Like, ever?”  
Edd nervously scratched the back of his head as Tord mulled over those words for a second.  
“Alright. Sorry, Edd, I won’t try that again.”  
Speaking of Edd, they were kissing again, Edd occasionally giggling and the two pressing their foreheads together.  
Finally the awkwardness was gone. Finally the avoidance was gone. And there they were, sitting on the floor of Tord’s bedroom, making out and giggling like fools, safe and happy and warm.  
And then Tord’s phone rang.  
The two broke away and Tord checked his phone, casting an apologetic look over at Edd. “…it’s Patryk. I… I have to take this.”  
“It’s okay,” Edd assured him, kissing his forehead and rising to his feet. “I’m tired, anyway- I’m gonna go to my room.”  
“I’ll… see you later, then?” Tord nervously scratched the back of his head, grey irises trained on the brunette in front of him.  
“Yeah. Yeah, I will.”  
“…’love you.”  
“‘love you too.”  
And so Edd left, bubbling over with excitement.  
Should he tell Tom and Matt? Tom or Matt? It was all happening so fast- were they boyfriends? Friends with benefits (‘benefits’ being kissing and thats it)? What even was their relationship?  
Whatever it was, it was a positive one, that was for sure.  Edd practically leapt onto his bed and grabbed his pillow, giggling like a teenage girl. He was so happy, so happy, he felt like he was about to explode into some sort of proverbial mix of sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. God, that would piss off Tord though, wouldn’t it? Edd giggled at the thought, staring up at the ceiling.  
He felt happy again.

After that, Tord had come into Edd’s room and asked him to not tell Matt and Tom just yet, he wasn’t entirely sure how the others would react and he was a little too nervous to find out.  
“So, are we like… a thing?” Edd asked, hugging the pillow he was holding a bit tighter.  
“Yeah, I suppose so… I can’t exactly take you on dates, but…”  
“It’s- It’s okay, Tord, I’m just… happy to be with you.”  
Tord immediately blushed and looked away, rubbing his (undamaged) cheek nervously. “Edd, you’re- you’re too nice. Thank you.”  
Edd leaned forward and hugged him, Tord pausing a bit before hugging him back. They sat like that for a while, Edd enveloped in Tord’s arms, Tord occasionally stroking his back, the two curled up next to each other and holding each other lovingly. It was certainly very nice.  
Very nice, indeed. The two were just sitting there, cuddling.  
Very very nice.

Tord’s eyes fluttered open, groggy and sleepy. His eyes widened and for a moment he was horribly confused before his eyes rested on Edd, in his arms, fast asleep, and he immediately relaxed. Thank goodness, he was still there.  
Honestly, he was at a point where he was low-key believing that he’d wake up one day and none of this had ever happened, Edd, Matt, and Tom were all still back at their old house, safe and oblivious to the events happening around them, Tord’s arm was still there, and nothing had changed.  
Maybe this was preferable.  
Maybe it wasn’t.  
He honestly wished that the three of them would be safe, far away from Tord, but he was so happy at the moment, holding Edd in his arms.  
He wished he could go back to when they were teenagers, to when they could just live comfortably, going on random and ridiculous adventures to just forget about it within two hours of it ending.  
How he wished he could take it all back.  
But he wasn’t a miracle-worker, and he knew he had to deal with the consequences of his actions. At least there was some reprieve, he supposed, holding Edd in his arms and just… cuddling into him a bit. They had fallen asleep in each other’s arms, it looked like.  
“Mmnh…”  
Tord winced. Did he accidentally wake Edd up?  
Edd’s eyes fluttered open, hazel irises being glazed over with sleep for a moment before his gaze locked onto Tord and he gave a sleepy smile.  
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Tord half-whispered, pressing his lips to Edd’s forehead. Edd buried his face into Tord’s chest, sighing into the fabric of Tord’s shirt, and he just looked so kind, so beautiful in that moment that Tord was just ready to explode.  
He did not, however, explode, he simply cupped Edd’s face in his hands and gently raised his head to meet Tord’s gaze before giving him a tender kiss, pressing his lips against Edd. They did that for a few seconds before Edd pulled away, eyes half-lidded and full of love.  
“Morning.”  
“How’d you sleep?”  
“Really well, actually,” Edd said quietly, nuzzling into Tord’s shoulder. “‘think it was ‘cuz you were here, actually.”  
“Haha, Edd, that’s really gay.”  
“You’re really gay.”  
“That makes two of us.”  
Edd giggled and kissed Tord’s (undamaged) cheek, his lips soft and pillowy, and Tord shifted his head so he could give Edd a kiss on his lips, pulling him close.  
He hadn’t had a wakeup-call quite like that in a very long time, honestly, and there were no other words for it other than nirvana. He was just so happy to be there, holding Edd like that in his arms, that he could barely even speak.  
Was this what love was?  
He could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( This is NOT the end! There is plenty more to come- and I hope you're ready for some angst, my guys, my gals, my nonbinary pals. ))


End file.
